Where have all the cowBOYS gone?

Take a moment and transport yourself to the 50s. The ideal man was rugged, manly and was ready to take on the world in a white t-shirt, distressed denim and a letterman’s jacket. Cigarette in their mouths, flask in their pockets, these were all-American men. Not that alcohol-guzzling and tobacco-consuming makes someone more masculine, but you get the idea.

Jump to the present day and take a look around Sacramento and the result is alarming. The city is plagued with an entirely new and alarming subculture: the Metrosexual man.

You’ve most likely had an encounter with more than one. Their designer jeans are more expensive than their girlfriends, their 100 dollar t-shirts have more rhinestones than any teeny bopper’s, and they look as if they spent the past 48 hours getting ready.. to run errands. No, that’s not a purse they’re wearing, it’s a Louis Vuitton “man bag”. Where have all the men gone?!

There’s a difference between daily grooming and over-the-top maintenance, but this group seems to have blurred the line between the two.

Women might be partly to blame. Men are repeatedly subject to the women in their lives begging them to cut their fingernails, put on a clean shirt, and wear some jeans that aren’t eight sizes too big. But it seems as if they’ve taken it about 3,000 steps too far.

The media might be guilty for this outbreak. Billboards and magazines are infiltrated with ads of androgynous humans that look scarily all the same. Pencil leg jeans are practically painted on men and women’s fashion proudly encourages menswear styles. And they might as well throw a lacy corset and fishnets on a Dolce and Gabana model.

If you haven’t yet had a meeting with one of these well-kempt men, look no further than any fitting room or makeup counter in a local department store.

It used to be girls lugging piles of this season’s must-haves into the dressing rooms and spending hours involved in impromptu fashion shows for their friends. Saunter over to the men’s departments and the same can be seen. Salespeople have to reassure “guys” that yes, their butts look fine in the boot cut True Religions and yes, that Affliction shirt compliments your skin tone.

Impatient shopping partners must endure indecisive males who can’t decide between two pairs of jeans because one pair has a green tint to it and the other has better stitching. Plus, they are worried that their purchase might go out of style so they might just want to wait for the new ones to come out next week. Are these guys for real?

Move a little further over to the cosmetics counters and Metrosexual almost crosses the line into full-on females. If a male can apply makeup and sell perfume better than his associates, then so be it and more power to him for his amazing talent. But men actually wearing layers of foundation, more mascara than Tammy Faye (rest in peace), and platforms higher than the girls at Centerfolds? It’s really no wonder our world is so screwed up.

The situation isn’t completely bleak, however. It’s great that men feel so comfortable that they can express their femininity and partake in conversations where they once stood silent with gaping mouths. Plus, it is just a little refreshing to see a man that takes pride in his appearance and isn’t so manly that he can’t trim that mass of hair on his chest. Menswear divisions all over are rejoicing at the sight of their skyrocketing sales.

And hey, if you can share jeans and hair products with your boyfriend, at least you’ll both be saving money right?